behindcloseddoors | CLOSED ♔ and who shall i blame for this sweet and heavy trouble

Again, I took my time. It was imperative that this answer count. But in the interval he spoke:

'Lucifer, can you count for me all of the stars? Do you know their names, their orbits, their destinies in Nature? Can you give me a rough calculation, Lucifer, of the number of grains of sand in the sea?'

'No, Lord, I can't.'

'Throughout my Creation, there are creatures whose spawn number in the thousands, of which only a tiny portion survive - fishes of the sea, turtles of the sea, winged insects of the air. A hundred, a million even, of one species may be born under the arc of one day's sun, with only a handful to survive and reproduce. Don't you know this?'

'Yes, Lord, I know. I knew in ages past. I knew when the animals were evolved. I knew.'

'So what is it to me that only a handful of souls come to the Gates of Heaven? Maybe I will send you to Sheol again, in Time. I will not say.'

'Lord, humankind is sentient and suffering!'

'Must we argue again about Nature? Humankind is my Creation, Lucifer, and its development whether you know it or not follows my Laws.'

'But, Lord, everything under the sun dies eventually, and these souls have the potential to live forever! They are outside the cycle! They are made of invisible will and knowledge, Lord, surely they were meant within the Laws to come to Heaven, how could it not be? I am asking you, Lord, I am asking you to tell me, because as much as I love you, I don't understand.'

'Lucifer, the invisible and the willful are embodied in my angels and they obey my Laws.'

'Yes, Lord, but they don't die. And you talk to us, and reveal yourself to us, and you love us, and you let us see things.'

'You don't think the beauty of Creation reveals my light to Humankind? You don't think these souls, which you yourselves have brought here, have not developed out of a perception of the glory of all that has been made?'

'Many more could come, Lord, with just a little help. The number here now is so small. Lord, the lower animals, what can they conceive of that they cannot have? I mean, the lion conceives of the meat of the gazelle and he gets it, does he not? Human souls have conceived of Almighty God and are longing for Him.'

'You've proved that to me already,' He said. 'You've proved it to all of Heaven.'

'But these were a few! Lord, if you were only flesh and blood, if you had only gone down as we did--'

'Caution, Lucifer.'

'No, Lord, forgive me but I can't deny you my finest efforts, and my finest efforts at logic tell me that if you went down and became flesh and blood as I did, you would better know these Creatures whom you think you know but you don't!'

No answer.

'Lord, your light doesn't penetrate human flesh. It mistakes it for animal flesh and always has! Lord, you may know all but you don't know every tiny thing! You can't, or you wouldn't leave those souls languishing in Sheol in agony. And you could not allow the suffering of men and women on Earth to go without context. I don't believe it! I don't believe you would do it! I don't believe it!'

'Lucifer, for me it is only necessary to say something once.'

I didn't answer.

'I'm being gentle with you,' He said.

'Yes, you are, but you are wrong, and in that, too, you are wrong, for you would hear your anthems of praise sung over and over without end and forever, and Lord! These souls could come to you and sing those anthems.'

'I don't need the anthems, Lucifer.'

'Then why do we sing?'

'You of all my angels are the only one who cannot be contented, who cannot trust in me. Why, these souls you brought from Sheol trust in me as you do not! That was your standard for selecting them! That they trusted in the Wisdom of God.'

I couldn't be silenced:

'I knew something when I was flesh and blood, Lord, which upheld all that I had suspected before, and which confirms all I have seen since. What can I do, Lord, tell you lies? Speak things with my tongue that are flat-out falsehoods? Lord, in humankind you have made something that even you do not fully comprehend! There can be no other explanation, for if there is, then there is no Nature and there are no Laws.'

'Get out of my sight, Lucifer. Go down to Earth and get away from me and interfere with Nothing, do you hear?'

'Put it to the test, Lord. Become flesh and blood as we did, You who can do anything. Sheath yourself in flesh--'

'Silence, Lucifer.'

'Or if you do not dare to do that, if it is unworthy of the Creator to understand in every cell his Creation, then silence all the anthems of Angels and Men! Silence them, since you say you do not need them, and observe then what your Creation means to you!'

'I cast you out, Lucifer!' He declared, and in that instant all of heaven had reappeared around me, the entire bene ha elohim and with it the millions of souls of the saved, and Michael and Azrael were standing before me, watching in horror as I was forced backwards right out of the gates and into the whirlwind.

'You are merciless to your Creations, my Lord!' I roared as loud as I could over the din of distressful singing. 'Those men and women made in your own image are right to despise you, for nine-tenths of them would be better off if they h ad never been born!'

[ he stops, making a little frown, just a tiny very perfectly symmetrical scowl for a moment, and then lowers his head as if listening to something. then slowly, he turns to des. ]

It's just what you would have done, isn't it?

[des swallows.] I would have decked him.

[yeah okay so you can't punch god. WHATEVER.]

[ when speaks up behind him, he's a she again, just like that. she sounds somber as she recounts: ]

I should have been with Lucifer, should have gone with him, stood by him, but I was so exhausted by our efforts, so ready to accept even a single victory...

So I remained in Heaven, but while I was happy with how our efforts had expanded Heaven and saved so many souls, my mind was constantly on the other Dead, and though I obeyed God's commandment to not interfere with them, I became more and more frustrated, and more convinced that it was simply Not Enough.

I spent increasing time on earth, despite how I once longed only to return to Heaven. I remained invisible this time, but would follow the souls of those near death and watch carefully to see how their lives translated to their afterlives - and sometimes, invisible, I would whisper into the ears of those who lived what little comfort I could give, hoping to stir them to find peace in their lives so that they might find peace in death.

But I dared do no more. Lucifer's fate hung over all of Heaven, and I knew that a misstep would mean the same for me.

But, uh... [he points to himself. smells like interference to him...]

And then there was you.

Sometimes I would roam far and wide over the years, seeing as much as I could, and sometimes I would become enamored of a small populace and follow their lives from beginning to end. I'd been watching your clan carefully - you among them - when tragedy struck them. And you...

You were far from the first soul I'd seen sink to such depths of guilt and despair when exposed to the suffering the world had to offer. But for whatever reason, a combination, perhaps, of my own burgeoning guilt over falling in line while so many souls continued to suffer and diminish in the afterlife, and my anger at God for what had been done to Lucifer... your case struck a particularly resonant place in me. Because I knew - knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt - what the fate of a human who despaired of life so much that he wanted nothing more to end it would be in Sheol.

I knew this even before you died: that you were doomed to dissolution. And I was distraught by the inevitability of it all, by the weight of these years in which nothing had changed.

So what? You- [he pauses and then sucks in a breath.] You gave me an eternity to change my fate. Is that it? That's why I've been alive for so long?

[there's a note of hysteria in his voice. this whole time- his whole life, all these countless years and it was to make him worthy of Heaven.]

I knew it was breaking God's commandment - to not interfere - but I couldn't help it. It was the only way I could live with myself, and I thought, perhaps if I couched it in terms that disguised my true nature as an angel, perhaps if I didn't reveal myself as something more than the spirits your people called gods, that it would not be quite so bad. It was, after all, just one soul - and Lucifer and I had last wrestled with millions! A small part of me hoped that God might not even notice, not even care.

But God sees all things.

[Des laughs hysterically as all the pieces slam into place. His worthless damned soul was just an experiment-an example. There was no real reason, no true fucked up agenda. It was someone who picked a stubborn fool who was better left to rot with the other souls and tried make him a saint.]

You got fired over me?

And I would do it again. I made my choice: the living and dead souls of Earth and Sheol still needed an advocate, and God's reaction to what I had done only proved it. But in the cruelest twist, your fate was ripped out of my hands when Heaven's light was ripped away from me this time.

So why the fuck do God and Michael care? With everything you told me, why didn't they just remove the curse and let nature take its course? Why?

Because. You were the perfect opportunity for them, don't you see? For as much as I wanted your soul to be made fit to ascend, I thought it more likely we would find a new compromise to alter the nature of Sheol before you would change your essential nature. Suffering had brought you to the place where you were - and more suffering wasn't going to reverse that - it would only drive you deeper into despair.

But that is the opposite of what they extol. Now they had someone in hand who could not die, someone at the bottom of the spiritual barrel, mired in darkness. There was no end to what you could be put through, what horrors you would see in the world, and God firmly believed that suffering strengthened souls.

Do you see?

Edited 2014-02-06 03:46 (UTC)

[Des's jaw drops.] So I'm some fucking super soul? Just God's little chewtoy he can put through hell to see how much better my soul will come out for it? And Jade-

[he cuts himself off.]

Not to mention his way of striving to prove to us how very wrong we were.

But Michael, and the other angels, firmly believe you'll triumph on your own. That it's the natural progression of a soul that's been tempered with so much.

And have they been right so far? There was no rule in place to indicate when they could ever be convinced that they were wrong. What was eternity to them?

[Des grits his teeth and kneads his fist into his forehead.] Fuck, fuck, fuck.

[that's all he needs. outburst over, he sucks in a ragged breath.] That settles it then. I'm not playing the game like that. Michael can blow me. I'm in. I don't care what else you have to say, I am not playing by the rules of some asshole with His thumb up his ass and and a hard-on for turmoil.

[ she gently lays a hand over his fist, drawing his hand down to his side, and running the back of her fingers against his cheek. as always, her touch itself seems to produce a very visceral sense of comfort, that he can feel warming his heart from the inside out. ]

I knew you would understand us, Des. I was only waiting for the day when I knew there to be a chance you'd actually listen.

Yeah, well. Shit got real. [He looks grim, despite the comfort and relief. He's bartering his soul no matter what the hell he does, but better the actual devil who is promising him heaven, then a God who wants who just wants to keep breaking him.]

I got one two stipulations. I do this? I want the name of the guy who put the hit on Jade- whoever it really is. I'm never gonna see her again, but I'm gonna find that son of a bitch and I'm gonna kill 'em. And I still want the talisman.

[It's not gonna help him- he knows that much now- but he can still destroy it.] So no one else can live like this and so no more people like Jade have to get hunted for it. This is all going to end. This whole gory mess. I'm gonna throw a spanner in Michael's little system so hard, the Pearly Gates are gonna feel it.

That's what I was hoping to hear.

There are some things you'll have to accept, given the unique condition that keeps you from becoming a fiend, as my other lieutenants. It means that you will be unable to enter Heaven or Hell alone, something they are generally given free reign to do as necessary. You'll also be unable to travel as we do, becoming immaterial, or invisible. There are certain gifts that are inherent to a fiendish body - the ability to read a man's soul, for example. Some of these gifts can be bestowed to even a mortal frame via blood pact, if you so desire, but that choice would be yours.

In other words, there are limits to your mortal vessel, but there are also limits, therefore, to the power we can exercise over your loyalty to our cause. That means there is information about purely mortal affairs that we cannot share without tipping the scales of power to grant the other side further freedom of movement. We're certainly willing to compromise on this once in a great while, and I believe this is one such case. We can direct you to the mortal man who hired James, and what action you take will be no business of Hell's.

As for the Talisman... [ he smirks ] You need not concern yourself over its power to grant immortality. As you've no doubt learned from our story, the tales of a thing rarely reflect the truth of it.

Edited 2014-02-06 21:17 (UTC)

I'm not interested. I do this? It's me. None of this... creepy magic bullshit. [He's immortal, bro. He doesn't want anymore shady ass powers like the one the Grays stuck on him, even though he supposes that one has its uses.

He crosses his arms over his chest.] I don't care what it does. You're not an idiot- symbols have power. Jade got killed over it. Maybe her sister's next. Who knows? It all goes back to that damned thing, so I'm gonna smash it with a hammer and be done with it. Call it closure, if you want. No loose ends.

So long as I can do that? Whatever you want, I'll do it.

Edited 2014-02-06 21:27 (UTC)

We won't stop you from doing as you choose in regards to the Talisman. Although I will caution you about the involvement of one whom I've mentioned with that entire... affair. Someone I would be happy to see taken care of, given her condition.

You know her as the Mind Master, but that is only because in crossing through the Veil, she lost all memory of her true identity, and reconstructed it from scriptures that fell through from the Shadow World. Reconstructed it incorrectly, remembering herself only as a God to her children - but not her essential nature: as the demon Serpent I once created.

[Des gapes. Again.]

Didn't realize how far back shady snake mama went. [He rolls his shoulders.] She's probably got it out for me bad. I infiltrated her little cult for months until I blew my own cover.

[A beat] But you knew that.

She's aware of more than you know. Like all demons, she can read souls herself.

So basically the reason the yutzes back there in the courtroom keep screwing the pooch is because she and her boys know what's going on.

Her and her doppelganger too. [THANKS ~~OBAMA~~ FAILBOAT.]

I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

However, in order for you to understand what it is, precisely, that we do, and will ask you to help us do, there is more to be told.

Really? [GOD, DAD.

He rolls his eyes.] Fine. Tell it.

[ ♬ distant (rubicon 2) - vnv nation

the landscape is changing again. as lucifer looks at him, the world around them is filled with new sounds. there are humans in the vicinity, men with flocks of goat and sheep, and far off in the distance, the walls of a town are visible, and above on a hill, yet another small settlement.

lucifer stares at des, the sun beating down on the three of them. azrael and lucifer are covered in a faint shimmer. ]

Look down at your clothes. They're robes, and better suited for the desert. I want you to come there, just over those hills... with me.

[ he stands up, and starts off, through what is unquestionably the Holy Land. they pass dozens upon dozens of small groups of people, fisherman near a small town on the edge of the sea, others tending sheep or goats, or driving small flocks towards nearby settlements or walled enclosures.

everything looks distinctly familiar. beneath the layers of grit that cover all, he's surrounded by forms and styles and manners of behavior seen often in Scripture, engraving, embellished illustration, and from film enactment.

they can see people standing before caves in which they live high on the hills. here and there little groups sit in the shade beneath a copse, dozing, talking. a distant pulse comes from the walled cities. the air is filled with sand. sand blows into des' nostrils and clings to his lips and hair.

lucifer has no wings. his robes are soiled and so are azrael's. they all seem to be wearing linen - it's light and the air passes through it. the robes are long and unimportant.

the sky is vividly blue, and the sun glares down on des with all its being. the sweat feels alternately good and unbearable.

they walk up rocky hills, climbing steep paths, and crossing over outcroppings of rock and ragged tree, and finally there appears before them a great patch of unwatered sand, burning and shifting slowly in a comfortless wind.

lucifer comes to a halt at the very threshold of the desert. he puts his left arm around des, his fingers spreading out firm and large against his shoulder. ]

After I was cast out, I wandered. [ his eyes are fixed on the desert and what seem the barren, blazing rocky cliffs in the distance, hostile as the desert itself ] I roamed the way you have often roamed, Descant. Wingless and brokenhearted, I drifted along through the cities and nations of the earth, over continents and wastes. Sometime or other I can tell you all of it, if you wish. It's of no consequence now.

Let me say only what is of consequence, that I did not dare to make myself visible or known to Humankind, but rather hid amongst them, invisible, not daring to assume flesh for fear of angering God again; and not daring to join the human struggle under any disguise, for fear of God, and for fear of what evil I might bring on humans. On account of the same fears... I didn't return to Sheol. I wanted in no way to increase the sufferings of Sheol. God alone could free those souls? What hope could I give them?

But I could see Sheol, I could see its immensity, and I felt the pain of the souls there, and wondered at the new and intricate and ever-changing patterns of confusion created by mortals as they departed one faith or sect or creed after another that miserable margin of gloom.

Once a proud thought came to me - that if I did penetrate Sheol, I might instruct the souls there so thoroughly that they themselves might transform it, create in it forms invented by hope rather than hopelessness, and some garden might be made of it in time. Certainly the elect, the millions we had taken to Heaven, they had transformed their portion of the place. But then what if I failed at this, and only added to the chaos? I didn't dare. I didn't dare, out of fear of God and fear of my own inability to accomplish such a dream.

I formulated many theories in my wanderings but I did not change my mind on anything I believed, or felt, or had spoken to God. In fact, I prayed to Him often, though He was utterly silent, telling Him how much I continued to believe that he had deserted His finest creation. And sometimes out of weariness, I only sang His praises. Sometimes I was silent. Looking, hearing... watching...

Lucifer, the Watcher, the Fallen Angel.

Little did I know that my argument with Almighty God was only begun.

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wtf is that icon lmfao

Des's suffering represented by hookers that's what

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